The Asparamancer Tosses Her Spears and Makes Her Predictions for 2021

Aunt Jemima may be gone from the grocery store shelves, but another Jemima was spotted in the produce section picking out prime asparagus spears to make her predictions for 2021. She is, of course, Jemima Packington – better known as the Asparamancer – who annually tosses asparagus into the air and interprets how they fall to predict how the mighty will fall or rise during the upcoming year. Jemima has had some big correct prognostications and some big flops – including a few in 2020 – so let’s do a quick intro and review before seeing what the Asparamancer sees in her spears for the new year.

“I was the first person to predict that Gordon Brown – former British Prime Minister – would leave high level politics some twelve months before anyone else.”

Jemima Packington, from Bath, UK, says she learned the psychic half of her craft over 50 years ago by watching her grandmother read tea leaves, but didn’t like tea so she settled on reading asparagus after giving broccoli a try. In addition to the correct Gordon Brown prediction, she also brags about picking England to win the World Cricket Cup in 2019 as well as more generic forecasts about the royal family, deaths and weather disasters. However, Packington missed big in 2020 when she predicted Donald Trump would win re-election resoundingly and then be impeached – she got both the election and the chronology of the impeachment wrong. She also saw independent and small retailers having a resurgence in business – the coronavirus pandemic made sure that didn’t happen. She also made no mention of the coronavirus for 2020.

“What we have here, very interesting, is the letter H. We have two spears plus a crossbar here. I don’t see any M at all whatsoever. I see no letter M but I do see letter H coming into the fold.”

It’s not hard to predict that the Asparamancer sees the ‘H’ as Prince Harry, who she sees retuning to England without ‘M’ – spouse Meghan. According to The Metro, in royal predictions Jemima sees “at least two” royal divorces (don’t forget – ‘royal’ covers a lot of couples), a “spate of ill-health among Royals of all ages” (again, there are a lot of ‘royals’, many old ones and more than a few hard partiers) and that “the Queen will make an important announcement in June to coincide with her official birthday as Sovereign” (she could say she’s leaving or staying – both would be important announcements and make the prediction correct).

“Although the impact of Covid-19 will still be felt around the world, the vaccines will bring a return to the new normal by June 2021 although not a return to pre-pandemic days.”

Well, anyone watching the vaccine roll-out has heard this prediction already from medical experts and politicians, so that’s not a surprise. Speaking of politicians:

“Former President Trump will be disowned by GOP members because of his appalling handling of the US domestic situation. He will not stand for a further term as President and his future is uncertain.”

That one bears watching since this isn’t the case yet and President Trump has said he will run again. Speaking of the other kind of running:

“Big salaries for star sportsman and the obsession with celebrities will become things of the past – the era of semi-professional sportsmen will re-emerge along with a focus on real heroes.”

The pandemic has obviously exposed professional sports to financial issues, but giving up our obsession with celebrities? A focus on real heroes, like those on the front line of the pandemic fight, will be welcome. Here are a few more:

“The world’s population will become kinder and more tolerant as a direct result of the pandemic and governments will be more beholden to the will of their people.

 

Foreign travel will become an occasional option rather than the annual norm.

 

Extremes of weather as previously predicted will continue. Tropical storms will become more frequent. The Far East will be badly hit.”

“Extreme weather” is an easy annual prediction, and the change in foreign travel is obvious, but “governments will be more beholden to the will of their people”? THAT would be a big one which, if it holds true, would justify all of the other wrong, close or predictable prognostications the asparagus has given Jemima Packington.

Whether the Asparamacer is right, wrong or close for 2021, here’s one prediction you can count on – eating asparagus is good for you and it won’t put her out of business, so we’ll be back next year at this time to check Jemima Packington’s score.

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