Sex Toy Company to Launch a Rocket Carrying Sex Toys into Space

(Warning – some language and subject matter in this article may be not suitable for work … unless you work in the sex toy or rocket industries … or both!)

This has been a month of strange firsts when it comes to space travel. First, billionaire Richard Branson flies to the edge of space, prompting some people who think it was a tremendous waste of money that could have been better spent elsewhere to refer to him as a big d!ck or a d!ldo. Less than two weeks later, billionaire Jeff Bezos flew to the edge of space on top of a rocket only the nearsighted would not describe as looking like a giant penis or d!ldo. There’s only one thing that could top these two events and it didn’t take long for a sex toy company to announce it will send a rocket filled with actual sex toys into space — and it has a serious pitch to NASA planned. Isn’t this a wonderful world we live in?

“On top of this, since the company was founded, I’ve firmly believed that there will eventually be a huge need for TENGA in space. Sexuality and its needs are always a part of us, and so I want to take this opportunity, through my chance encounter with [IST founder] Mr. Horie, as our first step into space-product development. Some day perhaps, we’ll be able to create something that the likes of NASA will want to incorporate into their endeavors in space.”

TENGA is a Japanese maker of male masturbation aids (link here — remember the NSFW warning) that are known for their elegant designs – the company has received an industrial design award (Red Dot Award: Product Design 2012) for them. TENGA President Koichi Matsumoto recently told IFLScience about its plans to be the first to create a masturbation product (for men – sorry female astronauts) that can be used in space. It doesn’t take much imagination to picture it since it will probably look and operate like the popular flashlight-shaped aids and be equipped with a vacuum system for … you can figure this out for yourself, can’t you?

I can’t wait!

To accomplish its goal, TENGA raised over $16,000 on a crowdfunding site and joined forces with Interstellar Technologies (IST), a low-cost private spaceflight company. The MOMO rocket is ready and the launch is planned for between July and August from the Hokkaido Spaceport, Asia’s first public spaceport. To complete the TENGA Project, the red rocket will attempt to reach the 100 km edge of space carrying 1,000 “messages of love” from TENGA lovers. Once there, it will release a TENGA Robo action figure in a special space suit in space to be retrieved by ground crews. Finally, the rocket will be carrying a special version of the TENGA Cup – the company’s popular single-use disposable sex toy with vacuum suction functionality – that will collect data on how it can perform in space.

Assuming all of this works, what’s next for TENGA? According to the crowdfunding site (it’s filled with photos of the project and the products), the company has its products pointed at (pun intended) NASA’s upcoming manned moon base. With astronauts working hard under extreme conditions, it will be difficult to relax and unwind. Enter the space-tested TENGA Cup.

“Although there is simple entertainment (ebooks, subscription movies, music, etc.) to relieve stress, it is expected that the situation will be very difficult because it is difficult to secure a place and environment to handle the elimination of sexual desire. increase. Therefore, I think that it is necessary to masturbate to suppress excessive desire and stress and maintain a healthy body, and to support it, TENGA for space that has the same hobby as before and has safety and function.”

Yes, this is a serious endeavor which TENGA plans to pitch to NASA. Since it’s serious, it’s important to chastise the company for not addressing the fact that there will be female astronauts working at the moon base. Shouldn’t they be developing something for their needs? Or is keeping the male astronauts occupied and “stress-free” enough for them? Maybe there’s a female billionaire who can work on this.

This information is provided not as an endorsement but as food for thought. After all, wherever humans have gone, sex has gone with them.

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